Indie Authors vs. Traditional Authors part 2: When you’re doing good enough

I’ve gotten some good feedback on this blog the other day.  The twitterverse is still abuzz with the topic. In the middle of all this, I had gotten some interesting emails.  Well, one interesting email but it spoke volumes.

Over the past few weeks, I went ahead and submitted The Hand of God to some small/medium sized publishing houses. I figured I could use the help with marketing if they offered any, and would save me money later in the series with things such as cover design.

So the other day I get an email from one well respected small press. They told me that they really liked my book, and the fact that I have an active blog and and am avid twitterer/tweeter/whatever the proper term here is. However, they said my book was already self published and had established some excellent reviews on amazon and throughout some blogs.  My sales ranking on amazon while not record breaking, isn’t too bad either. And they loved my cover. Her only suggestion was having an editor go over the book and clean up some of the formatting issues. 

So in other words, they wouldn’t have minded publishing it, but I seem to be doing just as much and as good on my own as they would if they published it themselves. The kicker was the fact that I would have to pull it, and it would take them 6-12 months to re-release it. So among all this talk about indie vs. traditional publishing, this helped me feel confident that I’m doing the right thing by being Indie.  I’ve apparently learned enough and made enough connections to help me get the book looking every bit as professional as any traditionally published book out there.

So once again, it comes back to my own personal drive and marketing budget or abilities. I learned from having my own business that throwing money into marketing isn’t always the best way. When I had my cell phone store years ago, I learned that the hard way.  Ad space can be costly and you can burn through cash quick if it isn’t well placed. So far, word of mouth and just making one on one connections has been my best marketing. Hopefully those connections will start to take hold soon and readers will start to pick up the book on their own.

Anyway, I just thought that odd rejection this week would give us all something else to think about when it comes to how we choose to publish.  Feel free to continue the discussion here as its been informative for a lot of folks.

Indie authors vs. Traditional authors

I thought that would be a good headline. Today a friend of mine posted this article from the Guardian:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2012/may/24/self-published-author-earnings?fb=native&CMP=FBCNETTXT9038

The article is called “Stop the Press: Half of All Self-Published Authors Earn $500.00 Or Less

The story talks about a survey done among independent authors, how much they earn in royalties, and averaged them out.  I suggest clicking the link to see the total figures.It provided for some good discussion about how people like Hocking and Locke are the exceptions.  Most self published books sell a few dozen copies, then sit dead in some database.

Many folks take this to mean different things.  For one, I’m not sure just how scientific the survey was, but it didn’t really tell me anything I didn’t already know.  I paid for a professional cover designer, most indie authors don’t.  I know quite a few who do their own.  Now some are great with photoshop and cover design, so their stuff looks great.  The others, not so much. 

While I didn’t pay for an editor, I did have a pro edit my book.  My problem was it got messed up in my own attempts to format it.  I am now taking steps to fix it. A lot of self published authors don’t even bother having some one else edit their work, they just do their own.  I understand cost is a factor, it’s a huge factor for myself. So what does all this mean? First, I think there is some data missing.

That biggest piece of data is, what does the average traditionally published author make? I have a few friends who are with major publishers. One still has a full time job and he has six books out.  Another writes full time, but she’s always stayed at home while her husband works, so hard to say if her books are actually paying any significant expenses. I’ve seen a few that have posted their numbers on blogs, and some were able to squeak out a living. Others it wasn’t even close. I know others, but have no clue what their situations are since I don’t ask.

So here’s my take. There are thousands of self published books injected into the market daily. The bulk of these are probably crap. I have a lot of friends who are self published, some are excellent writers who are as good or better than anything I’ve seen come out of NY.  Others, God bless them while they are great people, their books are just not that good.  I’m not even talking about the editing. Just the writing itself, such as slow developing plots, scattered plots, shallow characters, poor continuity within the story. Then you have the ones with the poor editing, or the covers that look like they were made with MS Paint. 

It’s like when you see the tens of thousands of people audition for American Idol. Out of that whole bunch, there might be a few hundred who are any good at all.  The rest are horrible. Then the smallest handful is just spectacular. Writing is the same way.  Not to mention, I’ve known a few authors who write their book, throw it up on Amazon, do minimal marketing and after a few months of selling 3 copies a month, they hang it up. Others have kept going until they got a nice backlist built up and they were able to actually make a living off their books.

I’d say being Indie isn’t any different than being traditionally published in that, its all about what you put into it. It takes a fair amount of raw talent, and a little bit of luck doesn’t hurt either. For me, indie publishing is a business decision. For many, its almost a religion of sorts or an ideology. I don’t think any less of authors with big houses. They chose their path, and I chose mine.

 I had an awkward conversation with my 11 year old stepdaughter the other night. We saw a commercial on TV, and as a joke I said, “Once I make millions from my books, we can buy that.”  And my little stepdaughter goes, “I’m sorry, but that will never happen.  You’re a good writer Tim, but there’s just too many books out there.  The odds are just against it.”

I have to say, I was at a loss at that one.  She wasn’t mean in her tone when she said it. I think she was just saying what she honestly thought. Now, I am realistic about my dream.  I didn’t quit my job so I can focus on my books. I realize odds aren’t in my favor. But I also know this business is about persistence and attrition. The longer I persist, the more others will drop out. In the meantime, I get better at what I do, and my books will get better. Eventually someone will notice and things will break loose.

Until that time, I will take surveys like the above into consideration. But I’m not going to let them get me down, nor will it affect my current business plan. In the meantime, I’ll just keep writing.

The Hand of God Challenge

This past week I’ve gotten some interesting feedback on The Hand of God. It would seem there are several folks with religious leanings and/or beliefs who have told folks while they find the book interesting, they would never actually read it.  I wonder why this is. Do they fear questioning their beliefs? The book is a work of fiction and is no way a theological document. Though it is intended to make people think.

So I’m extending an invitation for anyone and everyone with any kind of religious and/or Christian beliefs to read the Hand of God and voice your opinion here.  If you wish to debate any story points, you are welcome to do so.  If you just want to chastise me, you are welcome to do that too.  But I’m inviting everyone to step out of their comfort zones and see if it was worth it.

I been busy the…

I been busy the past week or so and slacking off in writing and everything else.  kind of stinks, as I see my email buzzing with new blog posts from all my author friends and I keep saying I’ll go back and read later, but then forget to.  

Either way, here are some updates.  Spent most of last week working on getting a new car, which we did.  A 2012 Jeep Liberty Image

I did get a few more chapters done in my work in progress.  Also have a good idea for my next cover on the new book.  Even got a photographer and model lined up for the photoshoot for the cover. However, for the way the cover image will be, I have to come up with a new title for the 2nd book as it won’t make any sense if I use the one I had in mind with a cover that shows the opposite.  

I’m almost done with the first draft on it.  Sold a couple books so far in May, hopefully will sell a few more before the end of the month.  I hope to be done with the first draft by the end of May, but we’ll see.  

So what have the rest of you been up to?  Leave a comment below!

Holograms, Zombies and Dead People

Ok, so all the rage this past week has been the big Tupac hologram at the Coachella festival.  Looked real, lifelike and all sorts of cool stuff.  This might seem contradictory, but even as a horror writer, I found this a bit creepy.  Especially since after being dead for fifteen years, Tupac was still in better shape than I am.

So this hologram thing has lead to all sorts of discussion and ideas in the media.  I read one interview with Michael Jackson’s mother.  She stated that they are considering a world tour with the Jackson brothers, and including a hologram of MJ.  There has been talk of the Tupac hologram joining Snoop and Dre on tour.  What will all this lead to?

Perhaps musicians can hologram themselves while still alive and perform shows in ten cities at once!  We could hologram Elvis, or Jim Morrison and Johnny Cash.  Not only hologram them, but put them in a band together and send them on tour!  

The problem with bringing back dead artists though leads to a few other issues.  For one, what happens to new music?  There are a lot of young, talented artists out there waiting to be discovered.  How will that happen if we keep resurrecting an recycling the dead ones?  One of my friends, Alyssa Bernal, is one of the most amazing singers ever to walk the earth, yet she is still waiting for her big break.  She has a hard enough time competing against the living artists out there; let alone bringing back the dead ones.

Ultimately this will all backfire on us.  Sky-net will go online and it won’t be the machines taking over, it will be the dead celebrity holograms.  The true zombie apocalypse won’t be the dead rising from their graves, it will be the dead we brought back ourselves in the form of walking, singing, talking, 3D video games.  When George Romero said the dead will walk the earth, he wasn’t talking about walking corpses, he was talking about the dead people holograms becoming self-aware.    And that my friends, will be the end of the world as we know it.  No need to fear though, we can all come back as holograms.

Interview with Pastor Charlie Sims

Tim: Today I was able to sit down with Pastor Charlie Sims, the main character from my book, The Hand of God.  Charlie is not your typical pastor.  He has a rather unique calling and even more unique way of dealing with those he sees as “sinners.”  Pastor, thank you for joining us today.

Charlie: Thanks Tim,  It’s a pleasure to step outside of your head for a bit to see what the real world is like.

Tim: So Charlie, in the book, it tells us when and where you first got your calling.  It was at a rather young age.  Has it ever affected you mentally to be involved in so much violence at such a young age?

Charlie:  Good question, but not at all.  I knew it was what God wanted for me at the time.  Plus you figure, David was just a boy when he killed Goliath and then cut off his head. 

Tim:  True, but you seem to get some enjoyment from it.

Charlie:  Maybe a little.  I mean, if you have work you have to do, may as well have fun with it.

Tim: So what was the closest you had ever come to being caught by authorities?

Charlie: Well, besides the incident in the book, there was a deal a few years ago.  I was in a bit of a hurry getting to the “Chapel” and I rolled through a stop sign.  Just as the cop stopped me, the guy I had in the back of my Tahoe had come to, and began thumping around.

Tim: Wow, that sounds intense.

Charlie: Yeah, it was.  I was worried I’d have to kill the cop too. Fortunately before he could get too nosy, he got an emergency call and had to let me go.  

Tim: Wait a minute, you mean you’d have just up and killed a police officer, just like that?

Charlie:  Well yeah, if he interferes with God’s work.  I would take out anyone who keeps me from carrying out my purpose.

Tim: You know, a lot of people would say you have a warped view of God.  That God is a God of love, not judgement.

Charlie:  No judgement huh?  Read most of the Old Testament.  God is constantly sending Israel to slaughter pagan countries.  Then don’t even get me started on Revelation.  There are dragons, flaming chariots, rivers of blood.  Yeah you’re right, lots of love there.

Tim: Ok, point taken.  In Hand of God, you take quite a beating I noticed.

Charlie:  Yes, I do.  Fortunately, I’m a durable fellow.  So I can take a pounding and keep on going.  As you saw in the book, it didn’t stop me, just slowed me down a bit.

Tim: What can you tell us about your adventures in book two, Ghost in the Desert?

Charlie: Well, I take even more beatings, and more severe ones.  That and I make a few additional enemies in this one, and I might actually make a real friend or two.  Lots of firsts for me so far.

Tim: Well that’s great.  We look forward to hearing more from you.  Thank you for joining us!

Charlie: Thank you Tim.  Back into your head I go! 

The Woes of a Horror Author

Writing Horror is hard.

Well writing anything is hard, but horror more so.  Not so much the act of writing itself, at least not for me.  I’ve been such a big fan of Edgar Allen Poe, Stephen King, Clive Barker and others for so long, that it sort of comes natural to me.  I happen to enjoy death, chaos and mayhem, yet in a linear, orderly fashion.  I like to think of my books as controlled chaos.  You never know what is going to happen, and the good guys are bad and the bad guys are worse.  

I keep the gore to a minimum, but well placed.  I don’t care to read a bloody hack fest, but yet I want to know what is happening when things get ugly.  All of that said, once the final product is finished, re-written and edited, I feel as though I have just as good a product to put on the market as any horror novel put out by the NY big guys.  Now here is the fun part.

Horror isn’t all that popular these days.  Unless my protagonist is sixteen, has emotional issue or is involved in a love triangle, or all of the above, it’s hard to get so much as a review.  There are all sorts of sub-categories to horror now.  Paranormal romance, urban fantasy, etc.  I’m not even sure what “Urban Fantasy” means.  When I think of “fantasy” I think of Lord of the Rings or anything by Robert Jordan, usually involving swords, sorcery, and so forth.  Yet “Urban Fantasy” involves vampires, werewolves, and now in one book I recently read we have were-spiders and were-gorillas.  I wonder if there are were-duck-billed-platypus or were-chickens?  

As a result, when I first finished my book, the biggest advice I got from seasoned authors was to get as many reviews as possible.  Trouble is, the reviewers who get the most traffic either have a two year back log and aren’t accepting anymore, or they just don’t read horror.  Some have suggested I call it something else.  I could I suppose, but then my fear is the person will read it and feel I deceived them by telling them it was an Urban fantasy or something only to subject them to the horror my book contains.

It truly is horror.  There are all sorts of religious themes involving good and evil, God and Satan, my main character is extremely violent and he enters the supernatural world, he sees his own beliefs unravel before him.  As cruel as he is, the supernatural beings he encounters are much crueler.  There is no sexual tension in the story, there is no romance and not even the hint of anything warm and fuzzy.  Just a descent into darkness and chaos that keeps the reader guessing.

Now, I know there is a market and audience for this kind of thing.  I sort of feel like how heavy bands like Metallica must have felt during the hair band era.  The market is so full of fluff and redundancy, there are people out there desperately searching for something original and scary.  I just have to find them, and more importantly, get them to find me.

Ghost in the Desert sample chapters

Here they are, a few samples from the second book in the Pastor Charlie series.  Once again its from my rough draft, so not perfect, but thought you all would like a teaser. 

 

Prologue

 

Palau, Mexico

            People filed into the small parish as Father Sandoval took his place at the altar during the entrance procession.  He looked out among the members to see a decent crowd had arrived this week.  There small church had around a hundred members, most of which had shown up this day.  He stood before them to begin the day’s Mass.

            “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” he said as he crossed himself.

            “Amen,” the congregation responded as they also crossed themselves.

As he began the Rite of Blessing, he sensed a presence.  The presence felt warm and comforting.  It wasn’t the first time he’d felt the presence of God during Mass. It was one of the things he loved about being a priest.  It was a beautiful feeling, a feeling of warmth, love and safety.  It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it was amazing.

He continued the Rite as he looked up and saw a white mist filling the parish.  He could tell the crowd was feeling the same thing as he was.  They all had a look of euphoria on their faces, as if God himself was touching him.  Father Sandoval knew what this was.  It was a physical manifestation of the Holy Ghost.  There were times in scripture when it was referenced, but he’d never experienced it first hand.

The mist filled the church, swirling around them as the feelings of love and peace consumed them.  He stopped the Rite as people began talking and murmuring among themselves.  Some even started laughing or giggling, although it was quietly.  The Father wasn’t sure what to do with this as he’d never experienced it.  He reached out to touch the mist as his hand sailed right through it.  It had no smell or taste as he closed his eyes and inhaled it deeply, taking in the presence of God.  Feeling the Spirit filling him and becoming one with him, it was something he didn’t want to end.

His eyes still closed and arms out to his sides, he snapped out of his trance as he heard a scream.  Opening his eyes someone in the back of the church had collapsed.  Perhaps they’d become overwhelmed with the sensations.  Looking around, he saw no one had moved other than the woman sitting next to the man who’d collapsed.  He walked in back to see if the man was ok.  He recognized the man as Juan Sanchez, a middle aged man who had attended for years.  Juan’s wife Camilla was trying to shake him as she looked up at the priest.

“Father, help him!  I don’t think he’s breathing,” she said.  Father Sandoval knelt down, still feeling as if he were in a trance of sorts and checked for a pulse.  As he did so there was another scream.  He jerked his head around and saw two more people had collapsed.  He stood to assess the situation.  The mist was no longer white, but had turned into a grayish color.  People had snapped out of their euphoric state and were now frantically attending to their fallen loved ones.  Yet one by one, people were going down.

Some headed for the door to get outside, as if the mist was some toxic gas.  None of them made it.  One woman grabbed Father Sandoval’s robe and held his gaze as she fell.

“Father! Please!  Help me…” she said as he helped her to the ground, unable to do anything to save her.  Now terrified, Father Sandoval could do nothing but watch as one by one, his parishioners died in front of him.  He began to pray as the scene unfolded in front of him.

“Hail Mary, full of grace.  Our Lord is with thee, blessed art thou among women,” he prayed.  As he continued people around him screamed, died and cried out for help.  The mist had turned black by now and filled the entire church.  The bodies of men, women and children were lying about motionless.  He felt people tugging at him, taking their final breaths.  What was this force that was killing him?  He was sure it was the Holy Ghost himself at first, yet its killing them all.  Was it Satan?  Demons?

As he prayed, his prayer was interrupted by a loud voice in his head. 

“I am the Lord your God.  The day of the Lord is upon you.”  Before he could process what he heard, Father Sandoval took his last breath.

Chapter 1

 

            My name is Charlie Sims, Pastor Charlie to some, though I don’t pastor much anymore.  A couple years ago, I had my own church near San Antonio, Texas, but lots of things went wrong.  I guess they didn’t go totally wrong.  A man many may know as Jesus Christ, but who went by the name Bishop Hoover came to town around then trying to bring about the end of the world.  It was during that ordeal I met Lucifer himself, discovered my ancestors were fallen angels and I had the power to turn people into zombies.  It was an eventful few months. 

            Before all that happened, in addition to pastoring God used to reveal sinners to me, horrible sinners; such as murderers, child molesters, rapists, and I would kill them in brutal fashion.  At least I thought it was God.  After the whole end of the world thing, I hadn’t had a vision since, and so hadn’t killed anyone since that time.  I guess that was a good thing.  In order to stop Jesus, I had to kill around fifty thousand people in the Alamodome.  I guess that would have to get me through for awhile.

However I was somehow able to stop Jesus, who turns out isn’t at all what we learned about in Sunday school, and save the world, for the moment at least.  Since then I’d been working in a funeral home in Del Rio, Texas.  I would assist with bodies when needed, as well as preside over funeral services, help people make arrangements along with whatever else the Salazar family needed. 

Jorge Salazar owned the funeral home, he was semi-retired though.  He still came in for return clients who’ve used the funeral home for generations.  His daughter, Maria did most of the real work.  At twenty-five years old, she was wise way beyond her years.  She had great skill in dealing with grieving families as well as restoring a body no matter how badly damaged they came in.  By looking at her, you’d never guess she was a funeral director.  She stood around five foot two inches and often wore summer dresses when not working in the embalming room.

On this day, I was sitting in my office finishing up paperwork for a pre-arrangement I had just set up.  A local man had just discovered he had cancer.  His prognosis is good, but he decided to pre-arrange his funeral and pay for it now just in case. 

“What are you doing Charlie?” Maria asked from my doorway.

“Just finishing some papers,” I said.  “What’s up?”

“Did you see the news?  I had it on in the break room.  It’s pretty freaky.”

I got up and joined her in the break room.  There on CNN  a reporter was standing outside of a church in Paulau, Mexico.  There were vans and ambulances all around the church. 

“I have family that lives in Paulau.  They said a hundred people died there,” Maria said as she placed her hand over her mouth.

“Do they know what happened?”  There were images of paramedics wheeling out body bags. 

“No, they said someone came to see where their family was and they found them all.  My God.”

I didn’t want to break it to Maria, but either God had nothing to do with it, or he was behind it.  Either way, I couldn’t help but think of what happened two years ago.  I had known after I killed Christ that it wasn’t over.  I had stopped the end of the world as God himself, or the being who calls himself God had planned.  I had upset the natural order of things, no telling what effect this would have on the cosmos.  It was only a matter of time before something happened again.  Part of me feared, this might be that time. 

“You ok Charlie?  You don’t look so good.” Maria asked.  I hadn’t realized it, but I must have been holding my breath, causing my face to change color.  I let out a long exhale.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Just a sad sight is all.”

“Yes it is.  It’s scary.  That’s not too far from here.  The news thought it might be the cartel.  But I don’t even think they would go defile a church like that.”

“Hard to say.”  We both looked toward the window as we heard a car pull up.  We walked outside to see a black Suburban.  Two men stepped out, both wearing suits, one had on a cowboy hat. 

“Charlie Sims?” The man with the hat asked.

“That’s me.  Can I help you?”

“I’m John O’Brien, Texas Rangers.  This is Special Agent Peter Jenkins, FBI.  We would like to talk to you.”

I felt like my heart had jumped up to my throat.  I’ve had police come to talk to me before, and nothing good came of it. 

Chapter 2

 

            We sat in Maria’s office as Ranger O’Brien and Agent Jenkins asked me their questions.  They told us about the church in Paulau. 

            “You know, Pastor Charlie, the scene at Paulau didn’t look a lot different than the one at the Alamodome a couple years back,” O’Brien asked.

            “I wouldn’t know,” I said.  “The cops asked me about that back then.  But I wasn’t there.”

            “Some of your former church members said you’d been to all of the Bishop’s previous services.  Suddenly you don’t go to that one, and everyone ends up dead and the Bishop disappears.  Lots of coincidences if you ask me.”

            “I guess so.  I was busy that night.  I’ve been over this before.  Do you have a point you’re getting at?”  Jenkins sat leaned against the desk playing with his cell phone while O’Brien asked all the questions.  I had a feeling they were just reaching, questioning usual suspects since the new church case seemed so similar.

            “He had nothing to do with that church in Paulau.  He was here working,” Maria chimed in.

            “Is that so?” O’Brien asked. 

            “It is.  We had a funeral Sunday afternoon.  He was here helping me get ready.” 

            O’Brien looked her up and down as if she were a four course meal. 

            “Well, I’m sure he’s a big help around here for you.”

            “And what is that supposed to mean?” Maria asked, shooting up from her seat.

            “Oh nothing.  Just thinking out loud.”

            “Well why don’t you and your pal go think out loud somewhere else.  Unless you have a warrant, I think we’re done here.”

            “My, my.” O’Brien looked at me.  “She’s sure a feisty one Charlie.”

            “That she is,” I said.  Jenkins finally put his phone down long enough to involve himself in the situation.

            “Look everyone, why don’t we all just calm down, okay?  I apologize for my colleague here.  He comes from a different era of law enforcement.”  He glanced at O’Brien and rolled his eyes.  “We’re just checking all leads, ruling anyone out as suspects and so forth.  You know the drill.  Ms. Salazar here told us you were here, then you were here.  Thank you for your time.”  He got up and walked out. O’Brien followed, tipping his hat to Maria as he left.

            “Well that was interesting,” I said.

            “Shut up Charlie.”

            “What?”

            “Look. When you came here we didn’t ask you a lot of questions.  My dad knew there was something about you and you told us you’d been through a lot.  But you’ve been a big help here and been good to us.  But what was this all about?”

            Maria glared at me with her huge brown eyes.  In my entire life, I’d never had so much as a girlfriend.  Some folks thought I was gay.  I was attracted to women, just never had time for women.  I figured it was safer for everyone that way.  With me running around cutting people up, it didn’t seem like the best way to maintain a relationship.

            “I know Maria.  I’ve appreciated everything you’ve done.  I told you all how I’d met that Bishop fella.  So everyone thought I had something to do with what happened at that big rally of his where all those people died.  I don’t know what they think I might have done, since they ruled it a mass suicide.  They think I was working with the Bishop and chickened out on killing myself or something.”  I was making some of this up as I went along.  No way could she have handled the truth.  “Fact is, most of the members of my church died there.  That’s part of why I came here.  I  needed a change of scenery.”

            Her eyes softened as I explained.  I’d realized I never told any of them too much about myself. I figured the less they knew, the better. 

            “Wow, I had no idea.  I’m really sorry.”  She leaned in and gave me a quick hug.  It was an odd feeling, but she felt good to hold even if just for a second.  For not being human, the last couple years had felt more human than any other time in my life.  This day’s visit made me feel uneasy though.  It was as if it would happen all over again.  I hoped not, but pushed it to the back of my mind.

            “Thank you,” I said.  “It was a hard time, but your family has been a great help.  Treating me like one of your own.  It means a lot.”

            “Well we are happy to have you Charlie.  Maybe one day you can have your own church again.” 

            “Maybe,” I said.  “So what’s the plan for today?”

            Before she could answer, her cell phone rang.  She pressed it to her ear, said “Yeah, ok,” a few times and began writing down some information.  After a minute she hung up.

            “Looks like we got our plan for today gotta go pick up a body.  Come on.  There was a car accident on the freeway.  This should be a good one.”  She grabbed her purse and headed out the door, I followed trying to keep up.

Rejection and Success

Rejection, we’ve all been through it, we all hate it. It never feels good.  But lets face it, there are some forms worse than others.  Over the past ten years, I have felt some of the worst ever.  The ultimate worst of which was when I arrived at my college graduation back in 2007.  I had done my checklist the previous week and had been told my my advisor that I’d done everything I needed to do.

Well I show up on the day of commencement with my whole family, friends and my cap and gown.  They go take their seats and I go to the staging area.  They passed out the seat assignments, but I found that I wasn’t on it anywhere.  After some checking I found the registrar.  He checked the computer and due to a clerical error they had in their records I’d graduated the previous year.  He went on to tell me I wasn’t supposed to be there.  I instantly became sick to my stomach.  After arguing with him for awhile he went and spoke to my advisor and came back to tell me that there was an error, so they didn’t have my diploma, and I wasn’t listed in the graduation program, but if I wanted they could “stick me on the end” and let me walk that way.  

To me that was bullshit.  I’d worked my tail off for years and spent around $40,000 to earn my degree.  I deserved and earned all the benefits that go with graduation, not being “stuck on the end” and being treated as if they were doing me some favor. At that point, I felt like I was going to throw up, or cry, or punch someone, or all three.  So I got up and left, throwing out my cap and gown on the way.

I don’t recall ever being so angry in my life.  I drove around for hours, just beside myself.  During the next few weeks, I’d called the school and complained to the dean, the president and anyone else who would listen.  All they did was minimized it and blew it off as “oh, the registrars are under a lot of stress, so these things can happen.”  Well the thing is, that was a special day.  It was a day I had worked hard for years to reach.  It was a day I was to celebrate my hard work and a crowning achievement in my life.  Instead it was taken away.  Not just taken, but ripped away.  No amount of apologizing from the school, no words, letters or emails of remorse could ever fix it.  That day was ruined and gone forever.  

Now, I consider this a rejection for a few reasons.  One big one being that if I had been the Dean’s kid, or if my dad had been a big donor to the school, I’m willing to bet that A.) The registrar would have been told to go and shit out a diploma and new program for me or B.) someone would have been fired.  I’m not naive, I’ve been around enough to see how the world works.  

Over the past few years since then I’d suffered rejections on smaller levels.  A few months ago, my fiance and I were kicked out of a night club after being invited to a party there.  Turned out the person who invited us wasn’t the one actually throwing the party and so we were not expected by the organizers.  Instead of just explaining to us the mix up, they ran and got security who rudely ran us out.  That’s probably the second most humiliating thing in my life.

While I try to let these things go, it is hard.  So instead I try to channel it into a few ways.  First way is by writing horror, I kill people off in a variety of horrible and gruesome ways in my stories.  This is actually quite therapeutic.  Feels good making my character do something I could never do in real life, and letting him get away with it.  Second is motivation.  These people who did these things to me did so simply because they could.  I was no one of any importance or financial gain to them.  So kicking me to the curb would result in no consequence to them, just some inconvenience.  

So, this is where the motivation comes in.  I was away from writing for a few years, but with a new resolve.  I love what I do so I would write regardless.  But I also want to be successful, I want to write for a living.  I want my writing to help me gain success to a point that people like that will have no choice but to notice me.  But by then it will be too late, because I will no longer notice them.  I guess in a way I want to rub it in their face.  Yes, that sounds childish, but honestly I don’t care.  

Even Michael Jordan feels this way.  We saw his Hall of Fame speech where he basically said “I guess I showed you” and called out every person who said anything negative about him through his life.  While I don’t feel I am that petty, the handful of events I mentioned above are enough to make me want to insure that I never experience anything like that ever again.  I’ve joked that one day I’ll make enough money to buy that night club, fire everyone and then turn it into a dump.  Maybe not, but it’s a fun thought.

I’m sure some of you have similar motivations.  Perhaps not, but I feel whatever drives you can’t be a bad thing if it makes you better.  When Hand of God was finished, I went over and over it then had it professionally edited.  There still came out some errors due to formatting, but over all I feel its as good of a product if not better than any other horror novel on the market.  My next one will be even better.  

While I’ve only sold less than 20 copies so far, its only been a month.  I will either be a successful author, or I will die at my keyboard.  Whichever happens first.  

What are some rejections you had suffered and how did it affect you?